getting started

Update from FB

2009-06-30T18:25:00.003-04:00

I've neglected to blog for about a year now -- instead I've been posting things on Facebook. I decided to transfer some of my facebook posts over to blogger, especially the ones that don't require pictures to explain, so that friends and family who aren't on facebook can keep up.

Eyre Head

2009-06-30T18:24:00.001-04:00

Once in awhile you’ll come across a story, and then think to yourself, “Books like this are why I read novels.” They are books that have the ability to hold a mirror up to your own heart, and show you how it works. Once in a great while you’ll read something that is crafted in such a way that it engrosses you while you’re reading it, then keeps coming back to you long afterwards, forming your thinking, making you question your preconceptions.

Jane Eyre has been one such novel for me. It isn’t a perfect work of art, there are problems in the plot structure, and the dialogue is meant to be a window into what the characters believe, instead of how people actually speak. But that is neither here nor there, to point out things like stilted dialogue is like finding fault with a Rembrandt because the frame is dusty.

I’ve read several book reviews on Jane Eyre – it has a myriad of avid supporters. The gothic inspired plot twists, the Byronic anti-hero, the independent natured protagonist all get lots of air-time. It *is* a corking good story, if you just want to read for entertainment. But what has kept me enthralled with this novel for nearly a decade, what keeps me going back to it to read and re-read is the central theme of passion vs. reason in the human heart.

This is a book that asks big questions --- should we measure our lives by an objective standard, or should we act on what we believe will bring us the greatest happiness and pleasure? Do circumstances alter cases? Is it better to be virtuous even if that also means you will be lonely, poor, and desolate? What effect does a profligate pursuit of pleasure have on the mind and soul? What effect does an opposite stoicism and asceticism have?

Some months ago I was contemplating this book, and on the choices Jane made, and the choices that anyone young and passionate will face at some time, it got me to writing. Here is what I wrote.

A Song for All Janes

Who is this Wisdom, that I should take heed,
When blood’s running hot, and fired with need?
Your strength of body, my vigor of mind
Would blossom together, joining, entwined
A fulsome joy that for past grief atones.

Lady Wisdom – that staid, withered, old Crone,
Would say to us, “Stay – I can not condone
Such haste and such heat, such unseemly lust
Only brings sorrow, and feeling you must
Fling caution aside, your Reason does err!”

Cast Wisdom away! What care I for her?
Prating what place and position confer.
For when I see the sun bright on your skin
And do feel your strong fingered hands – I win
Contented pleasures no riches can buy.

The glorious hues of your fringed eyes,
Do blind me to all I know to be wise.
Soft lips that sweet nibbling kisses invite
Fill my soul with encompassing delight
Each passion, most ardent, does gain and grow.

But Wisdom is much more wily a foe
She will not, content, stand by till you know
And acknowledge the force of her refrain
It poisons sweet pleasures, fevers my brain
Till sick with folly, I turn as I ought.

For pleasures aren’t pleasures when too dearly bought,
And Virtue, not Comfort, the friend I’ve long sought.
So turn from me, Dear, your radiant eyes,
Let me remember again to be wise,
For Wisdom brings Peace when let to advise.

_originally posted on fb 6/9/09_

Some little girls dream of their wedding day.

2009-06-30T18:23:00.001-04:00

I’ve always fantasized about my house o’ dreams. Maybe it has something to do with the year and a half I spent with my Mom pouring over layouts and square footage with I was 10. My Dad and Grandma had both succumbed to cancer within a month of each other, and I think that my Mom decided that the best way to rebuild her life, and her family, was to build a home.

So we did. That year was a blur of wall paper swatch books, paint chips, and carpet samples. There were decisions to be made on grout color, molding type, and tile size. To me it was a frenzy of exciting discoveries. Our new neighborhood had a pool, and there were two trees in the back yard that were going to be perfect for the hammock I’d always wanted. My Mom was going to have a huge bathroom and a tub you could swim in. It all felt like a great dream.

Now granted, I wasn’t the one who fought with the contractors, applied for the loans, or dealt with the realtors – so I’m looking back with the rose colored glasses of a 10 year old who’d never heard of a 30 year mortgage. All I know is, that after the worst thing that ever could happen to me, did happen to me, this was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I loved being part of the process. We went out and marked the trees on our lot that we didn’t want torn down during construction, we watched them lay the foundation, and then frame the whole house in a day. The roof and walls went up, and I saw when the house went from having empty sockets for eyes, to gleaming new windows with the stickers still on. Then we finally moved in and got to decorate, settle in, and nest. This house was ours – we claimed every bit of it, every tree, every wall, every light bulb.

From then on I’ve dreamed of what it would be like when I had my own house. A few years back I became interested in eco-friendly design, and have spent dozens of hours pouring over books, videos, and articles on topics like straw-bale construction, grey water reclamation, passive-solar orientation, masonry heaters, and living roofs. I’ve read theories on work flow, and how to use space efficiently. I’ve poured through shelter magazines and design blogs. I’ve estimated costs and looked at land prices – in fact, this dream of mine was a big factor in me wanting to move back to Texas.

I have a file tucked in my bookshelves with all these ideas, resources, inspirations, estimates-- and my sketches. All my graph paper sketches of floor plans and elevations are tucked in among the magazine clippings and printouts. Plans for houses with courtyards, and houses with backyards, houses with game rooms, and houses with lofts, tiny garage studios, and sprawling 5 bedroom ramblers.

I hope one day I get my house o’ dreams, but I do wonder sometimes if it’s not just more fun to dream about it.

_originally posted 6/5/09_

"I would send you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils..."

2009-06-30T18:22:00.001-04:00

I love office supplies. The aisle at the store, so pretty with it’s multi colored sticky notes lined up, it’s sweet smell of ink and paper (so much like a bookstore), and the unbearable possibility of all those blank pages has always been a little hypnotizing to me.

I get crushes on certain items. For one whole summer when I was about eleven, I would visit the same package of 200 felt markers every time we went to Walmart, looking at it longingly with big, wide, adoring eyes. There was the affair with the white out (which logically enough, followed my fling with Sharpies of various sizes and shapes). And the one school year that I could not get enough purple pens to satisfy the empty inkwell in my heart. And these, of course, were besides the notebooks and journals of every size, shape, color, and binding which were my perennial delight. Nothing makes my fingers tingle quite like fresh notebook.

There is a dark side to a love affair with office supplies though. Sometimes they don’t love you back. You may find an item that no matter how much to try to love it, you find that it just makes you feel terrible about yourself, and brings out the worst in you. For me, it was day planners. I spent years believing that if I could just find the perfect planner, then suddenly I’d stop being an absent minded Professor who sometimes forgot her own phone number, and start being an organized Type-A who remembered everything without effort because it would always be properly noted, filed, and tabbed.

Of course, like any relationship where one party expects the other to solve all their problems, it was fated for failure from the start. I have a stack of planners from the last 10 years, some (most) with only one or two days filled in. Others have had their tiny pens, and little sticky note pads pillaged, while the rest of the gutted leather shell lies on the shelf accusing me of being a disorganized mess.

But after a decade of failed flings with various expensive planners, I’ve found my true love. So simple and homely, it’s been keeping me company since I was a little girl, but I never saw its true potential and what it could really mean to me until I gave up my Type-A Martha Stewart dreams, and embraced my inner absent minded Professor.

One day I opened up an old Composition book, and realized that all I’d ever wanted from a Day Planner was right in front of me. My unassuming stack of 80 cent, black-and-white notebooks are old friends now, full of jottings, to do lists, quotations, and monthly budgets, scribbles about books and boys, recipes and phone numbers, meaningless doodles and life goals. No need for color coded tabs, or trying to squish a whole list into one little box on a calendar. They’re a joyful, painful, free flowing, day to day mash up, bound between a couple bits of cardboard.

So days like today, when I find myself wandering down that aisle, I don’t linger over things leather bound, or delight over a handmade journal. I put three new marbled notebooks in my basket with a plop, excited to bring them home and begin a fresh sheet.

_originally posted on fb 5/28/09_

Books. Whee!

2009-06-30T18:21:00.001-04:00

You have received this note because someone thinks you are a literary geek. Copy the questions into your own note, answer the questions, and tag any friends who would appreciate the quiz, including the person who sent you this. Don't bother trying to italicize your book titles. We know you want to.
NB: I’m only going to answer these questions about books for entertainment -- and leave out scholarly and/or religious books for the most part.

1) What author do you own the most books by?

Without going and counting I would guess Bodie Thoene… She writes historical fiction that I was absolutely hooked on from the time I was 11 until I was about 15. Or possibly Gertrude Chandler Warner – I was a big Boxcar Children reader in elementary and middle school.

2) What book do you own the most copies of?

I think I have 5 Bibles, 1 study Bible, 1 random little Bible with no back cover, 1 that my brother gave me for Christmas when I was 12, and 2 audio Bibles on my iPod (different narrators) – all KJV.
3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
I didn’t even notice. You know what I notice though? When someone says your when they mean to say you’re. I hate that.

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?

Sherlock Holmes. A genius: violinist, boxer, chemist, author, actor, sharp shooter, spy master, martial artist, beekeeper, swordsman, and the best in the world at what he does. I like to think that if he met me, he would forget Irene Adler, and give up the cocaine.

There hasn’t been a single movie, play, or TV show that I’ve seen that really captures the flavor of Holmes the way I see him in my head. – the man in the book wasn’t a hoity-toity, detached, intellectual in a deer-stalker hat. He was a gritty Victorian-era detective with a background of physical prowess. He was able to move undetected among the lowlife underbelly of London’s toughest crime rings. If we’re comparing him to other fictional detectives, he’s got much more in common with Batman than Adrian Monk or Hercule Piorot.

5) What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children; i.e., Goodnight Moon does not count).

Dude – you’re (not your) talking to an extreme book re-reader – if I like a book I’m liable to read it 3 times just for kicks and giggles. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read Little Women. I can pick that book up and flip to any point in the story and just start reading. It’s like comfort food for the heart.

6) What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
See Above.

7) What is the worst book you've read in the past year?

Calculating God – Could Not (would not) Finish It – rubbish in every sense.

8) What is the best book you've read in the past year?
Maybe The Road by Cormac McCarthy

9) If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?

Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things --- fascinating, fun, and hilarious.

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?

Oh man… I’m going to agree with Jason on this one, and say Marilynne Robinson. After I read her books I feel a sort of despair that I’ll ever accomplish anything in my life as close to perfection.

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?

Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster.

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?

I pretty much hate when they make my favorite books into movies – they’re almost NEVER as good, and I already have my own ideas about what a character/scene looks like. (See: Sherlock Holmes)

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.

A few years ago I had several dreams where I was in love with Steve Urkel, or where I was Steve Urkel... he’s not a literary character, but I still thought I’d share.

14) What is the most lowbrow book you've read as an adult?

Probably “The Little Lady Agency” by Hester Brown – I don’t really read a lot of chick-lit, but this was wonderful fluffy fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

15) What is the most difficult book you've ever read?

Unabridged Les Miserables -- do we really need 200 pages on the Paris sewer system?
Plato’s Republic

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you've seen?

The Merry Wives of Windsor – not really obscure, but the best I can do. It was great fun.

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?

French. It’s much more fun to spend an afternoon with d’Artagnan then Ivan Denisovich. Maybe not so thought provoking, but a lot more fun.

18) Roth or Updike?

I haven’t read any Roth…

19) David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?

Sedaris... I think Eggers is really one of the most talented writers of my generation so far, but he can be so hard to read – I have yet to finish What is the What because I was so depressed. Sedaris is always fun.

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?

Shakespeare. I’m trying to read one work of Shakespeare a month – I figure eventually I’ll get through everything, and feel like I’ve accomplished something.

21) Austen or Eliot?

Austen. I have a hard time caring about anything I’ve read of Eliot’s.

22) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?

Mostly, I wish I had more serious scholarly books under my belt – especially theology and philosophy.

23) What is your favorite novel?
Jane Eyre? Swiss Family Robinson? Little Women? Gilead? The Count of Monte Cristo? I hate this question.

24) Play?
The Importance of Being Ernest – or anything else by Wilde.

25) Poem?

A Mile With Me by Henry Van Dyke. Not the best poem I’ve ever read, but one that always resonates with me.

While we’re on the subject… To all you Aspiring Poets out there: I am of the opinion that there is almost never an excuse for a poem to run for more than 10 stanzas – so please don’t afflict me with 4 pages of raptures on your angst, your lover, or the flowers in spring.

Also – usually if its good poetry it has RYHME AND/OR METER – if you’re confused about what either of those words mean then what you’re writing probably isn’t poetry. Punctuation, spelling, and capitalization do count (damn you e.e. cummings! You made every grammatically challenged lovelorn teenager in the world believe that they don’t need no stinkin’ grammar to write no stinkin’ poem). If your poem is good it probably includes the liberal use of metaphors, similes, and/or anthropomorphic imagery – it is poetry. Poetry does not equal prose + line breaks.

It shouldn’t require intuitive leaps of logic for the reader to understand what the heck the “poet” is talking about. A good poem should EXPRESS something TRUE in a BEAUTIFUL way. When you read a poem you should think, “That is true. I wish I could have said that so well.” Or, “That is beautiful. I wish I could have expressed it so truly.”

End of Rant.

26) Essay?

Essays are one of my absolute favorite forms of literature. Sarah Vowell, Seneca, David Sedaris, David Foster Wallace, Robert Louis Stevenson, Sloane Crosby, Mark Twain, Samuel Johnson, Norah Ephron…if you haven’t read them, you need to start. I’m not picking a favorite essay – but my favorite book of essays is The Art of the Personal Essay compiled by Philip Lopate.

Even if you don’t have time to read, you can find time to read an essay – and feel better for doing so.

27) Short story?

I haven’t read a lot of short stories really – except in school. I feel like if you have an idea that’s good enough to last for 30 pages and make me care about the characters, you might as well make it the first chapter in a book. (example: Ender’s Game – started as a short story, but was really a much much better book)

28) Work of nonfiction?

A Severe Mercy by Shelden VanAucken. Read it.

29) Who is your favorite writer?

I am awed by the force and subtle beauty of Marilynne Robinson’s work. I laugh so hard I snort when I read a Jen Lancaster memoir. Charlotte Bronte addresses themes of passion and morality in her novels that strike me where I live. The sonnets of Elizabeth Barrett Browning are probably the finest ever written in the English language. Too many authors of too many different types of books have formed my mind for me to pick just one: I hate this question too.

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?

Rhonda Byrne --- I’m sorry but the Secret is a load of hogwash. Poorly written, overly hyped, bad, wrong-headed, hogwash. There is no way on earth that anything that flowed from this woman’s pen deserves 5 bazillion years as the NY Times number one best seller. 50 bajillion dollars have been spent on this book – those dollars could have been spent on good books and that makes me sad.

31) What is your desert island book?

If you’re (not your) talking about for pure entertainment (as opposed to edification or information) purposes, then it would have to be a large brick of a book, but one that didn’t have a sequel. Something like The Count of Monte Cristo … or maybe something funny like a book of essays--- waaaay too hard to choose, yet they always ask this question.

2) And... what are you reading right now?
Glitz by Elmore Leonard
King Lear - Shakespeare

_originally posted on fb 4/7/09_

Love on the High Seas

2009-06-30T18:20:00.001-04:00

We were all roused by Skipper's orders before the sun was up -- less than 4 hours after my night watch had ended. I was cold, sleepy, and ravenous. I stumbled out of my birth and into the galley, my sleep drenched senses steering me toward the heat and heavenly scents.

And there, swaying among the strapped down pots, and gimbaled spice wracks was Jimbo -- our tall, sturdy, red faced ship's cook. He'd been hard at it for the last two hours. With nothing more than a tiny kerosene stove that never got hot enough to boil water, a hot plate, and an electric skillet he had created a feast for 25 wolfishly hungry sailors. There was bacon, sausage, and ham, sautéed onions, peppers, jalapenos, cheeses, mushrooms, salsa -- whatever your heart could desire for a filling, savory breakfast.

"Hey gorgeous! What'll it be?" He leaned back against the sink, whipping together eggs and milk in a measuring cup. "I'm making omelets."

He said it with such gusto that I was intrigued -- but wary. I'd never had an omelet I really liked. Usually they were a mouth full of hard puffy eggs with a brown crust on the outside and goo on the inside. I hate gooey eggs. I despise crusty eggs. But I'd eaten at Jimbo's table long enough to trust him.

"Umm -- onions and sausage? Cheese?" I said, unhooking a mug and getting myself some coffee.
"Coming up then!" and he poured out the eggs.
"The trick," he told me while sprinkling my toppings over the eggs, "is that the eggs are just to hold the stuff inside, they shouldn't be too thick."

Half a minute later he handed me my plate, directed me to a pile of toast nearby, and shoo'd me out of his kingdom, already filling orders for two other crew members. I headed topside to eat my breakfast while watching the sun rise over the water and islands. Leaning against the tarpaulin in one of the life boats I took my first bite, admiring the steam curling off my plate. It was fantastic. The eggs -- far from being crusty or gooey -- were tender and savory and utterly satisfying. I was in love. It was the perfect start to what would be a perfect day of sun, wind, food, and friends.

_originally posted on fb 3/7/09_

Contact

2009-06-30T18:19:00.000-04:00

I found out today that it is possible to stop a man twenty feet away dead in his tracks, a stunned grin tugging at his ears. It’s possible to make him reel back as though he’d run into a wall -- with nothing more than an innocent upward glance through lowered lashes. I watched my rearview mirror to see him turn around, shading his eyes, shaking his head, and smiling dazedly. He stood on wobbly knees, turning to look at my dusty back bumper one more time before I was out of sight.

I’ve seen reactions like this before in men – not just to me, but to other women as well. I’ve seen when a woman walks into a room or passes a man in a coffee shop and suddenly it looks as though he’s taken a blow to the chest or head, and can’t quite remember his own name. She doesn't necessarily need to be beautiful, may not be graceful, or slender, or well dressed – but something about her strikes him and he is captivated. You can see it. Maybe it’s her laugh, her smile, the confidence in her manner, or her scent as she passes– whatever the cause, the effect is immediate and visible.

I’ve never seen a woman react this way to a man. I’ve seen girls get flustered and big eyed, been that way myself a few times when there is a particularly good looking guy around, but I’ve never seen or experienced that knock-me-down-with-a-feather, remind-me-where-I-am-please sort of gut punch from a look.

The closest I remember getting to this feeling was when I was working at a bookstore. It was a busy afternoon, and I was working the registers. I was fast and efficient, talking cheerily to customers about their books as they passed through my line.

I was finishing up a transaction with a trim middle aged man with deep smile lines and bright blue eyes, but my mind had already moved on to the next customer. I passed his change over the counter, and the back of my fingers brushed his upturned palm -- it was cool, and slightly rough. It was like electricity had shocked through my guts. The breath in my lungs got snagged on my breastbone. My eyes caught his as he turned to go – what do you think he saw? I’m sure that I had the same dazed and confused expression I’ve seen in the eyes of men – when suddenly their whole heart is in their eyes.

To this day I don’t know what it was that did this to me – he was attractive, but not anything special, I don’t remember a word that he said, or what book he was buying. I had made that same gesture a thousand times before, touched hands with a hundred men that very day – some a lot younger, and more attractive, and would interact with five thousand more before I stopped working there. But years later I still remember that fleeting contact with a handsome stranger, where for a moment I forgot where I was, and held my whole heart in my eyes.

_originally posted on fb 2/26/09_

My Life - AKA books.

2009-06-30T18:18:00.001-04:00

What was the last book you bought?
A book of poems by Robert and Elizabeth Browning

Name a book you have read MORE than once.
Pretty much every book that was in my library before 2006 was read 3 times or more --- In "A Severe Mercy" Van says something along the lines of, "The Mark of a true book lover is someone who reads their books more than once." A good book will keep gettting better with each read, and say something new to you each time.

Has a book ever fundamentally changed the way you see life?
This is where every Christian person says, "The Bible", which is true -- along with a few other theologically bent books like The Westminster Confession of Faith, and the Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment.

If you're talking about non-theological books -- probably "Jane Eyre", which showed me what it means for passion and reason to struggle in a heart. Or the above mentioned "A Severe Mercy" which made me think about what it means to really live well.

How do you choose a book? e.g. by cover design and summary, recommendations or reviews?
I try to get recommendations from someone I trust whenever possible. Sometimes a cover will catch me.

Do you prefer Fiction or Non-Fiction?
I mix it up.

What's more important in a novel - beautiful writing or a gripping plot?
The plot. A lot of bad writing can be overlooked for a great story.

Most loved/memorable character (character/book).
Oy Vey -- so hard to even begin to choose.

Which book or books can be found on your nightstand/coffee table at the moment?
Problogger - D. Rowse
Poems of Robert and Elizabeth Browning
Most Memorable Quotes
Assasin - Ted Bell
The Bible

What was the last book you read, and when was it?
Currently reading Assasin by Ted Bell -- it's ok -- brain candy.

Have you ever given up on a book halfway in?
Some.

Can you recommend a good book to me? If so, what is it?
That's like trying to fit every person into the same pair of jeans. Tell me what kind of book you're looking for, or what the last really good book you read was, and I'll be able to tell you something you'd like.

A few that I've read (or re-read) recently and liked are:

Ender's Game (audio book) - Orson Scott Card - sci fi
Gilead - Marilynne Robinson - literature/fiction
In Defense of Food (audio book) - Michael Pollan - sociology
Four Queens - Nancy Goldstone - medieval studies/ biography
I Feel Bad about my Neck - Norah Ephron - humor
Garlic and Sapphires (audio book)- Ruth Reichl - food writing

Is there a book you haven't read, and should have?
Johnathan Edwards "Freedom of the Will" -- haven't ever gotten past the first chapter

_originally posted 2/20/09_

Love in February

2009-06-30T18:17:00.000-04:00

I know a lot of single people who get quite morose about their State of Disunion around this time of year. Everywhere you turn there are boxes of chocolates, adverts for diamonds, and happy couples making romantic plans. However, I'd like think of it as an opportunity instead of a bummer -- its a chance to look back on the past year and see what kind of progress (or lack thereof) I show in the romance department.

This was a bang up year for me. Talking to my Mom a couple weeks ago, I told her that I was so happy, that I could only think of one thing that could make life better –- and that would be to fall in love. Perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but not by much. I am full to bursting with the joy of being healthy, young, virtuous, and independent. Life is a buffet of possibilities, and I have just been handed a plate to pile high.

But as is the case usually, shadows seem the darkest with the full light of noon behind them, and the happier I become, the more I long for someone to share my joy with. I’m not looking for someone to rescue me from my unhappiness anymore. I’m not looking for a perfect man who will solve all of life’s problems for me and suddenly make life happy and fulfilling. I have a happy and full life already. I’m looking for someone to dream with, someone to have fun with, to share and expand my horizons.

When you’re miserable and alone it’s easy to fantasize that all you need to do is find the right person, and then life will be a bed of roses. Find that one someone, and your life will have joy and meaning, loneliness will be a thing of the past, passion an every day state of being. You’ll be able to escape from that job you hate, move out of the household you’re sick of. If you find that better half, the person who has all of the qualities to match your deficiencies, and who will find the worth in what you have to offer, then life will be what it’s meant to be.

When you’re happy and alone it’s as though each day is a gift, beautifully wrapped, festively festooned, and then thrown in the trash. You are frustrated by the waste of a lovely life not shared. The talents, and energy, strength, and passion that come from a contented spirit seem to be squandered. It’s like an electric charge that builds up in your body, leaving you crackling with tension because the sparks have no where to fly.

There is an art to being alone – it is inspiring to me to see when it's done well. In some ways it reminds me of stories told of soldiers and martyrs who die well, -- who by their courage, honor, steadfastness, faith, and humility were able to take an inevitable evil and turn it into something that glorifies God and encourages others to do the same. To be alone is hard, but it’s also an opportunity to learn to live well. To live alone shapes and molds your character at every turn, pushing you towards courage, temperance, chastity, patience, hope, and faith. At times it runs you devastatingly ragged with the emotional and physical strains, forcing you to rely on strength that isn’t your own. When you’re made to keep company with just yourself, you learn to cultivate your soul – to strive to better yourself in every way possible, if for no other reason than to make it more pleasant to live with yourself.

In the end, I’m not any closer to falling in love than I was a year ago – but that's okay with me now – and that is real progress in my book.

_originally posted on fb 2/5/09_

25 Things

2009-06-30T18:15:00.000-04:00

RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (+) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

______________________

1) I just filled this survey thing out half way, and then got distracted and clicked on a link, loosing everything. Stoopid ADD.

2) I am really bad about answering any kind of correspondence. This has gotten me into hot water a couple of times when people thought that I was mad at them when really I was just a bum who doesn't answer her emails. (or texts, or voicemails....)

3) There is a home video of me somewhere, from when I was about 3 years old, where I act out the entire "Vitameatavegamin" sketch from I Love Lucy, including the drunk parts.

4) I Love Lucy.

5) I have lived in Texas for 363 days as of today. It's been a very good year.

6) One of my great ambitions in life is to be able to play the Bach Suites for Solo Cello.

7) I love being on, in, or near the water. It's one of my dreams to live on a body of water someday.

8) I would like to build a Straw Bale House, or some other eco-friendly house.

9) I don't own a TV. Mostly because I'm too cheap, and I don't need any more incentive to waste time.

10) I just recently discovered "The Weepies" through Pandora radio. They're GREAT.

11) I make REALLY good s'mores. I like to make them more than eat them.

12) When I was little, I really wanted to either have red hair, or an afro.

13) I'm really happy. Life is good -- even with the sucky parts.

14) I collect fairy tales and sea shells.

15) I haven't found my niche.

16) When I have a good dream that I remember, I will think about it for a long time, and it always peps me up. Like last night I dreamt that I got a puppy. It was happy, and we cuddled, and I woke up snuggling my pillow.

17) I have a tiny mole above my upper lip that only shows when I've been in the sun. Then it looks like I've drawn a Marilyn Monroe-esque beauty mark on.

18) I dream that one day I'll go to the Taj Mahal.

19) I am addicted to ApartmentTherapy.com

20) I love to listen to audio books. The closest I've ever come to a celebrity crush is becoming enamored with Scott Brick's velvet voice -- even though in real life he's a bit greasy, wears big gold jewelry, and has a paunch -- I think of him as my golden voiced friend who murmurs exciting tales in my ear all evening.

21) I'm sleepy.

22) I miss the blog that I used to write. Maybe I'll start writing again soon.

23) I'm curious and interested in a lot of different things. Travel, languages, literature, history, theology, architecture, science, art, poetry, music, writing, cooking, photography. I hope I live a long time so that I can look into as many of them as possible.

24) I have very bad vision, and am afraid that I might go blind someday.

25) I hate pickles.

_originally posted on fb 2/2/09_

A Thought

2009-06-30T18:14:00.000-04:00

A good piece of writing is usually like a good piece of dancing -- hard hard work, made possible by lots of training and practice, which in the end seems completely spontaneous and effortless.

Too bad I can't pull that off.

_originally posted 1/13/09_

Funny Ha-Ha or Funny Weird?

2009-06-30T18:13:00.000-04:00

I've gotten hit on by attractive men all week long.

I was driving home tonight (after commenting on this phenomena to a friend) and a very cute guy pulled his little black coupe along side my tiny Mazda, and stayed with me on the freeway until he caught my eye. When I finally turned my head, he was full on facing me, not even making a pretense of watching the road. His face split in half with a huge grin while he gave me that little "how you doin'?" nod/cocked eyebrow.

Last night it was a nearly 7ft tall West African guy, who asked for my number, and if he could take me to dinner or hang out.

Before that it was a guy at Starbucks who offered me his place in line, said I was pretty and asked for my number.

The list goes on.

I haven't done anything different. I've still been the same me, no makeovers or anything but I've suddenly developed into an electro stud magnet.]

Kind of funny I think.

_origninally posted 1/10/09_

Squeeky Green

2009-06-30T18:12:00.000-04:00

In the last couple of years it's gotten cool to be eco-friendly. Sometimes this is annoying -- especially when companies greenwash their products in order to milk profits out of well meaning folks, or when people tell you you're evil for wearing leather or taking a road trip.

But it also means that it's getting easier to be good stewards of our resources as more people and companies come on board.

Example: I was setting up my utilities yesterday afternoon, and was able to choose a company called Green Mountain Energy. 100% of my electricity will be coming from renewable zero emission sources like solar, wind, and water. And the great thing is that this company was 2 cents cheaper per kilowatt than the big company that gets it's energy from coal and natural gas. And Green Mountain has the highest customer satisfaction of all the companies in my area.

I know a lot of people around the country only have one choice when it comes to their utilities, but if you can choose where you are, do a little looking and see if there is a company like this in your area. Good for the earth and for your wallet.

_originally posted on fb 10/28/08_

I Dare You to Love Me

2009-06-30T18:11:00.000-04:00

Who knew that such a small thing could make such a bold statement?

I have always loved wild flowers. The perfectly symmetrical opulence of long stemmed roses and hot house orchids are amazing and gorgeous, but they don't have the same effect on me as a windblown patch of queen anne's lace on a spring day.

All of my favorite flowers have been wild flowers. As a girl daisies charmed me. I watched "You've Got Mail" and agreed completely when Meg Ryan called daisies the friendliest flowers. They would just tilt their face up to meet yours and smile their little sunny hearts at you. They stand for innocence.

A little later it was forget me nots. The clusters of blue creep crawling over everything, insinuating themselves over our fence, and through the flower bed whether we asked them to or not, they were sweet and shy but determined creatures. They speak of faithful love.

I now have an ardent love of poppies. They are wild and graceful and achingly lovely. I used to go out in the spring in Seattle and pick hundreds of them for my room. I would watch as they did this great little dance where they swirled their petals around themselves as the sun went down. They are as beautiful when they are closed as when they are in full bloom. Poppies are the flower of pleasure.

Innocence, pleasure, and faithful love. These are the qualities that my favorite flowers extoll. Not bad, and it makes me wonder if we are drawn to the flowers that speak about who we are, what we value, how we think, or what we want to say to others.

When I was looking up the meanings of my favorite flowers, I found that many blossoms don't just stand for something, but actually say things with their presence. Apparently some flowers can be quite eloquent.

Carnations say: "My heart aches for you"

Lavender "I like you only as a friend."

Gardenias whisper, "I love you in secret."

Holly asks, "Am I forgotten?"

Petunias say, "I am furious!"

Cedar "I live but for thee."

But for pure brashness none beat the Tiger lily which throws down a gauntlet saying "I dare you to love me!"

What's your favorite flower?

_originally posted on fb 10-24-08_

Reading Rainbow Revised

2009-06-30T18:10:00.000-04:00

Okay, so the whole arrange books by color thing appeals to both my sense of aethetics, and my slight tendency towards Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I was the only first grader I knew that would spend hours rearranging her 100 count box of crayolas, insisting to my less discriminating siblings that burnt orange came before burnt sienna but after atomic tangerine.

But that pesky OCD is a double edged sword when it comes to books, as I've mentioned before. Asthetically, the books-by-color is preferable. Logically it makes sense to shelve them according to author and genre so that you can find them.

Solution: Librarything

Librarything is one of those simple, brilliant websites that makes a bookey like me drool. It's basic function is a online book catalog. You can do 200 books for free, but for 25 bucks you get a lifetime subscription for as many as you'd like, and you are able to catalog all of your books. You get access to major libraries all over the world, amazon.com, and the other books posted by librarything users. There are also great features attached to Librarything. You can compare your library to other booklovers, participate in book swaps and discussions, & write reviews. You also get book recommendations based on your library.

But the feature that makes me see this as a potential solution to my decor delemma is that when you catalog your books you can tag them. I keep track of the genre, where I got the book, & whether I've read it or not this way. With a click of a button I can pull up every book I've ever got as an advanced readers copy from work, or every book in my library still unread. And now, every book with a green spine.

This way, when I'm looking for my copy of "1984" and I can't remember what color it is, I just go to librarything, pull up "1984" and see that it's shelved in the black section. Voila! Both sides of my OCD self are satisfied.

_originally posted on fb with pictures 9/29/09_

Reading Rainbow

2009-06-30T18:09:00.000-04:00

So there is a movement afoot in the home design world to arrange the books on one's bookshelves by the color of the spine instead of the title, author, or subject matter.

My initial reaction to this was horror. I have worked in a bookstore far too long for this method of shelving not to bring the bile up in the back of my throat. You're talking to a girl who alphabetizes her DVD selection and packed my entire book collection for moving by author and genre.

On the other hand -- it looks stinkin' cool.

How do these people find their books? How do they stand to have their sets broken up? Take my Chronicles of Narnia --- I have the boxed set, but each is a different color.

The Magicians Nephew would be four shelves away from The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.

99% of my books are packed away in storage right now, waiting for when I move into my own place next month. I only have what I've acquired in the last six months with me now, about one shelf's worth. With so few books it's not worth trying to arrange them any special way, especially because they run the gamut from Pulitzer winners to bartending guides and church history to humor essays. A hodgepodge.

So I took the plunge and arranged them by color. I like it. A lot.

But I still don't think I can do it to all the others when the time comes.

_Originally posted on fb with pictures 9/27/09_

Music in Season

2009-06-30T18:08:00.001-04:00

About an hour ago I punched play on Stevie Ray Vaughn and Double Trouble for the 500th time this summer, and it got me to thinking about how I tend to listen more to certain artists and genres during specific times of the year. I don't know about you, but here's how it plays out for me.

Summer: Electric blues, soul, funk, classic rock. Evocative of those sultry dog days, nights out, and evening concerts on the grass.

Fall: folk, indie rock, celtic, bluegrass. Think of woodsmoke in the air, long drives with the windows down, and the first reviving draft of a cool autumn breeze.

Winter: Classical, easy listening, jazz, R&B -- preferably on vinyl, or on non remastered tracks. Warmth and crackle are good on a cold day. This is music to keep you company inside when it's grey and wet outside.

Spring: big band, swing, pop, alt rock. Get up, get moving, get happy. Its warm, and sunny, and the world is green again.

_orignially posted on fb 9/3/08_

Apartment

2009-06-30T18:07:00.000-04:00

I have finally found the apartment I'll be moving into this fall, and am quite excited to get all of my stuff out of storage and into my own place.

Since this will be my first time living out on my own, I've been looking for ideas for apartment living and decoration. It's amazing to me how hard it is to find good resources! I've thought up more things on my own than I was able to find online or in magazines.

Since when is 1000-dollars-a-room "decorating on a dime"? Since when is a 10k apartment makeover "budget design"? I don't know about y'all, but in my world, most of us just moving out have more important things to spend 10k on -- most of us are worried about college loans, car repairs, getting medical insurance, contributing to our 401k, paying for gas, and maybe, just maybe, being able to afford a night out with friends once in a blue moon. Somehow that $750 cowhide ottoman just didn't make it through the budget cuts. (If I ever pay $750 for something with cow fur still attached to it, I want it to produce something to pour over my Cheerios.)

So, needless to say, I've got some ideas brewing. We'll see how they translate from fantasy to fact when I actually get in my new place.

I'm sure I'll keep you updated

_originally posted on fb 8/30/08_

Update

2009-06-30T18:06:00.002-04:00

I've been using facebook instead of this blog for the past year. I want to make a back up of some of those posts onto this site, for family who aren't on fb.

facebook

2009-01-14T20:13:00.001-05:00

facebook test

New Test

2008-09-30T13:03:00.004-04:00

Will the new facebook blog thingy work? Don't panic. This is only a test.

Champagne

2008-06-30T22:19:00.000-04:00

I want there to be champagne at my wedding, and at my funeral. I
think that all major life events go down smoother with tiny bubbles
tickling your nose.

I got a new job today. I've worked for my bookstore for two years and
still love going to work in the morning. That's saying something. The
last few months have been rough in some aspects, but I still love the
work. I love helping people find good books. Love the smell, feel and
look of books. Love talking to people about books. Love the
excitement that bubbles up in someone when they finally have a book
they've been wanting and anticipating in their hands. But today I got
a new job, so I'm a little sad for losing my bookstore. So this toast
is for my old store and all that went with it...

I got a new job today. I'll be taking on new challenges, among new
people, and new surroundings. The business is different, the lingo is
different, the expectations are different. The benefits are better,
the schedule is better, and the pay is better. So this toast is for
my new shop and all the possibilities that go with it....

I am moving from a company and a subject matter that I know inside
and out, to a company and subject that I know little about. Scary and
exciting and scary and rousing and scary and fantastic. For the next
few months I will be dead tired, disoriented, and a little
overwhelmed (or maybe more than a little). That's always how it is
when the learning curve hits you upside the head. But once I settle
in I think I'll really fit well and enjoy the work. It's at an
electrical company, and I'll be doing administrative stuff, doing
projects and payroll and keeping things running while everyone else
is doing stuff elsewhere. So I take a long drink of courage to face
the unknown....

Swallow it down, cause here I go.

Geezer Magnet

2008-03-05T18:59:00.000-05:00

And now for the continuing saga of the World's Biggest Geezer Magnet.
This episode: Old Man Tourette's --or-- Are you Senile?

A white haired grandfatherly old man came up to me while I was at the
registers, and while I was in the middle of a sentence he blurbs out

"You're Really Pretty!" (yes there were capitals involved)

Do I look like I need a Sugar Daddy? Or in his case a Sugar Grand-Daddy?

I look up startled and he added, "I'm old enough to know -- I've been
around long enough." I blushed, relieved that he wasn't actually
hitting on me and finished up the transaction, and then went to help
him order a book. I'm taking his information, ask for his phone
number which he rattles off, and then jogs my elbow with his and
says, "What's yours?" and chuckles.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

At least he's not suffering from a lack of confidence.

2008-02-23T23:12:00.000-05:00

I was walking through my bookstore today, and briefly made eye
contact with a guy to see if he needed help. He obviously knew where
he was going so I gave a slight nod and kept walking.

Let me pause to describe this gentleman before we get any farther
into this tale: He was a fat man in his late fifties. He was wearing
a track suit and looked like a sausage stuffed into a too tight
polyester casing.

Okay, with that visual in mind, let's continue.

So I nod and walk along and in response to my bare acknowledgment of
the man's existence he does a combination wink/head-tilt/tongue-
click. With no irony. Like a dude in a bad 80's movie. Completely
serious.

I about busted a gut.

Two Pictures

2008-02-22T22:45:00.002-05:00

Picture this:

A young woman alone in a cafe, sipping a foam topped latte and
reading a thick hardback. Her leather jacket is slung carelessly
across the seat opposite her, and her thick chestnut hair is pulled
back into a low ponytail, but a silky lock or two keep falling into
her eyes as she reads.

A pretty little tableau.

Ok -- same girl, continue the picture:

She goes to push the wayward strands from her face and knocks her own glasses off, catching them midair. Then she sinks back into the pose she'd just abandoned, realizing that she'd been absentmindedly twirling her eyebrow hairs between her thumb and forefinger -- in public-- and now looks
like a cross between Groucho Marx and the Wicked Witch of the West.
She plunks her chin onto one hand, and nicks herself with a ragged
fingernail, causing far more bloodiness than you would imagine
possible, which somehow also causes her nose to start running. She
doesn't have a tissue. All this goes on without her even raising her
head from her book. It's completely routine and expected and doesn't
cause even a momentary break in her concentration.

Join with me in a moment of silent awe that this poor creature makes
it through each day.

All new

2008-02-19T18:56:00.000-05:00

New house, new town, new state, new job, new church, new blog -- a
new beginning all around.

I've wended my way from Pennsylvania down through the heartland or
breadbasket or Bible-belt -- whatever you'd like to call it -- and
landed myself once again in the great state of Texas.

I've settled into my new bookstore, been welcomed warmly into my new
church, basked in the beautiful sun and wind, feasted with family,
and spent a couple days sleeping away sickness. It's a time for new
beginnings for me. Watch out y'all, I'm just getting started.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

2007-10-24T23:04:00.000-04:00

I'm not dead!

I'm not kidnapped!

I'm not on a desert island with no WiFi capabilities!

So where am I then? In the middle of a giant whirlwind of activity, that's where. Let me fill you in on the last month, okay?

The first thing that happened was that we moved. Our new house is closer to my work, and a much better layout than our old one. I already feel more at home here than I did in that giant, old, beautiful-but-drafty-and-dirty, monstrosity of a house. My new bedroom has bookshelves built in to three walls. Yay! There is a new kitchen with granite counter tops and a gas range. Yay! It has an extremely comfortable tub that I can lay down in and stretch allllll the way out when I take a bubble bath. Yay!

The second thing that happened was that I bought a car. This wasn't actually the second thing, it was more of a simultaneous with the first thing, thing. I left from packing up the kitchen at the old house to sign the loan papers. It's the Mazda Protege that I told y'all about. Very snazzy, I really like it. It's even got a sunroof and a fancy stereo that I can't figure out how to work. Pictures soon, maybe.

The third thing was that now that I'd bought the car, I had to learn how to drive it. It's stick. This was absolutely terrifying. That's all I'm going to say on the subject.

The fourth thing I can't tell you, because the last time this happened and I included it in an update about the rest of my life I spent an afternoon in the doghouse, so that will have to be a separate post altogether.

The fifth thing is that I'm trying to write a book. It is not going well and I am discouraged. I only have until the 31st of January to submit a completed manuscript. My company is looking for manuscripts from employees to publish, and I figure that it's too good an opportunity to pass up. The minute that I decided this I contracted a severe case of constipation of the brain. Your prayers for a speedy recovery are coveted, because it's really bumming me out.

The sixth thing is that I go on vacation for the first time in a year and a half starting next week. I plan on locking myself in my room and writing (it's a little oxymoron called a 'working vacation'). If I don't recover from the Brainal Constipation then I just might rupture something from the strain of trying to write that much. I don't anticipate much fun or relaxation to be a part of this first vacation I've had in a year and a half.

The seventh thing is that I am fat. Not that you would look at me and think, "Dude, lay off the moon pies!" or anything, but I am uncomfortably above the top range of my optimal BMI. Some might classify me as pleasantly plump, or curvy. However, these are also terms that you could use to describe my sofa, therefore I've started back on the S diet.

The S diet is my own invention, because I hate counting carbs, or calories or anything really. I'm not much of a math person. Plus I like bread. And butter. And food with flavor. So I had to come up with something easy. Here it is -- don't try to steal it, I hereby copywrite and trademark the S Diet (TM) and plan to make a billion dollars doing infomercials and book contracts.

There are two parts to the S diet (TM)

First --

No Sweets
No Snacks
No Sodas ( or Southern Sweet Tea)
No Seconds

Second --

Take Supplements (I take really good multivitamins, ground flax seeds -- for the fiber and the healthy oil, supergreens, and probiotics)

So the whole deal is that you limit yourself to three meals a day, with no sweets, snacks, seconds, or soda. Taking those supplements twice a day keeps me from getting hungry when I would usually eat a snack. Plus they aid digestion, nourish, detoxify, and help build my immune system. I've also noted that since I've started taking them I've had a decrease in my overall appetite, not just at snack time, but all the time, which is making it easier to stick to the rest of the diet.

Maybe I'll post again next week to tell of my progress.

Anywho, thats the news from these parts.

No Time

2007-10-01T23:32:00.000-04:00

Alright -- I've got to get up and out the door by 7.30 tomorrow morning, so I'm just stopping by to say PRAY! I'm going to look at a car in the morning and if I don't find a good one soon I'm going to be up a creek. So I hope this is the one. I really do. 02 Mazda Protege, black, fully loaded, 53K miles -- and hopefully a good price, that I'll be able to get financed by my bank. I am weary of looking. Got to go to bed now. If this turns out well y'all might get to hear about my Used Car Lot Misadventure.

I take it back

2007-09-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

I'm STILL too upset about how they tried to swindle me at that Used Car Lot to write about it -- it makes my chest muscles squeeze. Perhaps I'll be able to tell you what happened after I actually find and buy a good car.

Dreading

2007-09-26T00:09:00.000-04:00

Up until now, the thing that I have been dreading the most about this coming year has been getting my wisdom teeth extracted. As of this afternoon, I would gladly undergo a Marathon Man-esque oral surgery complete with crazy Nazi doctor rather than step foot onto another Used Car Lot.
The story – if I can manage to get past the ball of outrage that is still choking me, should follow tomorrow.

"Do you work here?"

2007-09-24T20:39:00.000-04:00

One of the most common questions I get from customers each day is, "Do you work here?" Several possible answers (depending on the situation) include.

“No, I collect name tags from different companies and wear them whenever I shop.”

“No, this is my own personal walkie talkie and earpiece, (listen to earpiece for a moment) **speaking into microphone** Roger that Eagle One – I’ve been approached by a Wombat, repeat Wombat Contact. Over.”

“No, I am putting these books away in the wrong places because I don’t like them or want people to read them.”

“No, I’m just a helpful customer. Have you alphabetized any sections since you’ve been here?”

“No, I have a thing for feather dusters.”

“No, I’m hacking the company website.”

“No, I’m stealing all their customer information from the order processing files. Have you ordered something within the last six months?”

“No, I just found this roll of stickers and decided that these books should be on sale. What do you think should be on sale? I’ll share.”

“No, but don’t you think that this old display was ugly? I couldn’t stand it anymore – as a customer I want to see displays of books I like, so I switched them.”

“No, I’m stealing money from this register.”

“No, I just like climbing the ladders.”

“No, I just like answering phones.”

“No, I always get fourteen copies of any book whenever I buy something, don’t you? I like carrying big stacks, it makes me feel smarter.”

“No, I found this cart of books just standing here, and I thought I’d help these poor booksellers out by shelving a couple. They’re really swamped tonight, aren’t they?”

“No, the plastic tag and lanyard are statements. I’m an art major – this is performance art. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“No, this earpiece is a cybernetic hearing aid. I was in an accident and if I take it off then you can see all the way to my brain. It’s squishy.”

“No, I was playing a trick on that woman you just watched me help.”

“No, I’m OCD and if I don’t reorganize this bookmark spinner before I go home tonight then I won’t sleep for three and a half days because I’ll not be able to stop thinking about it.”

“No I’m an undercover FBI agent, we’re getting ready to pull off a major sting here in a minute, I suggest you leave now if you don’t want to be caught in the crossfire.”

“Aww nuts! What gave me away?”

“Yes, what can I do for you?”

Of course, this last one is the only one I’ve actually said out loud – so far.

I hear someone knocking.....

2007-09-20T00:40:00.000-04:00

I have an opportunity. A BIG opportunity. Humongous in fact. If successful then some of my wildest -- even more than my wildest -- dreams would come true.

It would require four and a half months of intense, sustained effort on my part. It would suck up every free minute I have, requiring a lot of sacrifice and understanding on the part of my family. Without their agreement I couldn't even try. It would require certain of my circle to donate large chunks of their time for my benefit. And if I am not successful then I face massive, crushing, disappointment and embarrassment.

There is no guarantee of success; indeed there is a very real, looming probability of failure. The time allotted (4 1/2 months) is quite short. Before this opportunity was flung at my feet like a gauntlet I had no plans to embark on an endeavor of this magnitude any time in the near future. I am no where near sure if I am sufficiently skilled to do this right now. I am terrified of failing. I am also afraid of being a sluggard and a coward and letting this chance slip by. I am unsure whether or not I am equal to the task in terms of the kind of perseverance, self control, and hard hard work it would require on top of my regular duties (which can already feel rather overwhelming at times). That's commitment. Commitment that might not come to full fruition in the end.

However -- if I do make the commitment, no matter what the final result is, I can see that it would be a character building experience.

I love's me my Momma.

2007-09-17T10:20:00.000-04:00

Today is my Mom's birthday -- which I always enjoy even if she doesn't. :-)

For her birthday we had Guinness cupcakes and she got a new flat panel monitor for her computer (which she's wanted forever). That was hard to keep a secret! Pretty good day, eh?

Quote of the Day

2007-09-16T12:04:00.001-04:00

"True union makes a true Christian: many close with Christ, but it is upon their own terms; they take and own him, but not as God offers him. The terms upon which God in the gospel offers Christ, are, that we shall accept of a broken Christ with a broken heart, and yet a whole Christ with the whole heart. A broken Christ with a broken heart, as a witness of our humility; a whole Christ with a whole heart, as a witness of our sincerity. A broken Christ respects his suffering for sin; a broken heart respects our sense of sin; a whole Christ includes all his offices; a whole heart includes all our faculties. Christ as King, Priest, and Prophet, and as a Mediator. Without any one of these offices, the work of salvation could not have been completed."
-- MATTHEW MEAD

The Resolutioner

2007-09-13T23:51:00.000-04:00

I have a very active imagination.

Each night I say my prayers, and then lie in bed and think of all the things I am absolutely going to (or not going to) do the next day. I am NOT going to eat any sweets. I am GOING to do my laundry. I am NOT going to be a complainer. I am GOING to stretch and exercise. I am NOT going to neglect my blog. I am GOING to take my vitamins.

In this fantasy version of myself I am a size six, who always has smooth legs, perfect posture, and clear skin. I am charming, humble, kind, and and patient. I keep up with my chores around the house so well that they seem to do themselves. I am constantly challenging myself mentally, and spiritually. I regularly write pieces that are either funny or interesting or eloquent (even in my fantasy life I know that it's too much to ask for all three).

And then, full of these resolution, on a pillow of good intentions, I fall asleep. Then I wake up the next day, grumble when there's no coffee left in the pot, and slouch my way through the morning. I find myself pompous and didactic and complaining about some little thing. I get to work and see that someone has brought cookies and shortbread, which I scarf down with abandon and glee -- buying a caramel latte as well, because really, what goes better with shortbread than a caramel latte? Etc etc etc ad nauseam.

But I go on making the resolutions, and I go on breaking them. I wonder what it will take for me to really strive to gain the self control that I need? Any pointers?

New Blog

2007-09-12T01:29:00.000-04:00

So it's one thirty in the morning and I just announced on my old blog that I have a new blog. Unfortunately for me I don't have anything posted on my new blog. All I have is a new streamlined template that I've been slaving over for the past two weeks(yes this is the best I could do --- I am HTML ignorant).

My hope is to reinvigorate my writing life, and reconnect with an audience again. I am quickly learning that one thirty in the morning is not the time to try to do this. What's say we meet back here in about 10 hours, okay?

post

2007-09-12T00:58:00.000-04:00

Lets see how this posting thing works and if the formatting is correct. Things have been a bit wonkey in the past and it really is getting on my nerves.

Yada yada yada. You know for someone who wants to be a writer I have very little to say. But you know I can tell myself that I don't want this to be a real post that I have to think about because then if there are problems then I won't get mad when there is a line break in the middle of all of these terrifically boring sentences.