UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

I'm not dead!

I'm not kidnapped!

I'm not on a desert island with no WiFi capabilities!

So where am I then? In the middle of a giant whirlwind of activity, that's where. Let me fill you in on the last month, okay?

The first thing that happened was that we moved. Our new house is closer to my work, and a much better layout than our old one. I already feel more at home here than I did in that giant, old, beautiful-but-drafty-and-dirty, monstrosity of a house. My new bedroom has bookshelves built in to three walls. Yay! There is a new kitchen with granite counter tops and a gas range. Yay! It has an extremely comfortable tub that I can lay down in and stretch allllll the way out when I take a bubble bath. Yay!

The second thing that happened was that I bought a car. This wasn't actually the second thing, it was more of a simultaneous with the first thing, thing. I left from packing up the kitchen at the old house to sign the loan papers. It's the Mazda Protege that I told y'all about. Very snazzy, I really like it. It's even got a sunroof and a fancy stereo that I can't figure out how to work. Pictures soon, maybe.

The third thing was that now that I'd bought the car, I had to learn how to drive it. It's stick. This was absolutely terrifying. That's all I'm going to say on the subject.

The fourth thing I can't tell you, because the last time this happened and I included it in an update about the rest of my life I spent an afternoon in the doghouse, so that will have to be a separate post altogether.

The fifth thing is that I'm trying to write a book. It is not going well and I am discouraged. I only have until the 31st of January to submit a completed manuscript. My company is looking for manuscripts from employees to publish, and I figure that it's too good an opportunity to pass up. The minute that I decided this I contracted a severe case of constipation of the brain. Your prayers for a speedy recovery are coveted, because it's really bumming me out.

The sixth thing is that I go on vacation for the first time in a year and a half starting next week. I plan on locking myself in my room and writing (it's a little oxymoron called a 'working vacation'). If I don't recover from the Brainal Constipation then I just might rupture something from the strain of trying to write that much. I don't anticipate much fun or relaxation to be a part of this first vacation I've had in a year and a half.

The seventh thing is that I am fat. Not that you would look at me and think, "Dude, lay off the moon pies!" or anything, but I am uncomfortably above the top range of my optimal BMI. Some might classify me as pleasantly plump, or curvy. However, these are also terms that you could use to describe my sofa, therefore I've started back on the S diet.

The S diet is my own invention, because I hate counting carbs, or calories or anything really. I'm not much of a math person. Plus I like bread. And butter. And food with flavor. So I had to come up with something easy. Here it is -- don't try to steal it, I hereby copywrite and trademark the S Diet (TM) and plan to make a billion dollars doing infomercials and book contracts.

There are two parts to the S diet (TM)

First --

No Sweets
No Snacks
No Sodas ( or Southern Sweet Tea)
No Seconds

Second --

Take Supplements (I take really good multivitamins, ground flax seeds -- for the fiber and the healthy oil, supergreens, and probiotics)

So the whole deal is that you limit yourself to three meals a day, with no sweets, snacks, seconds, or soda. Taking those supplements twice a day keeps me from getting hungry when I would usually eat a snack. Plus they aid digestion, nourish, detoxify, and help build my immune system. I've also noted that since I've started taking them I've had a decrease in my overall appetite, not just at snack time, but all the time, which is making it easier to stick to the rest of the diet.

Maybe I'll post again next week to tell of my progress.

Anywho, thats the news from these parts.