Contact

I found out today that it is possible to stop a man twenty feet away dead in his tracks, a stunned grin tugging at his ears. It’s possible to make him reel back as though he’d run into a wall -- with nothing more than an innocent upward glance through lowered lashes. I watched my rearview mirror to see him turn around, shading his eyes, shaking his head, and smiling dazedly. He stood on wobbly knees, turning to look at my dusty back bumper one more time before I was out of sight.

I’ve seen reactions like this before in men – not just to me, but to other women as well. I’ve seen when a woman walks into a room or passes a man in a coffee shop and suddenly it looks as though he’s taken a blow to the chest or head, and can’t quite remember his own name. She doesn't necessarily need to be beautiful, may not be graceful, or slender, or well dressed – but something about her strikes him and he is captivated. You can see it. Maybe it’s her laugh, her smile, the confidence in her manner, or her scent as she passes– whatever the cause, the effect is immediate and visible.

I’ve never seen a woman react this way to a man. I’ve seen girls get flustered and big eyed, been that way myself a few times when there is a particularly good looking guy around, but I’ve never seen or experienced that knock-me-down-with-a-feather, remind-me-where-I-am-please sort of gut punch from a look.

The closest I remember getting to this feeling was when I was working at a bookstore. It was a busy afternoon, and I was working the registers. I was fast and efficient, talking cheerily to customers about their books as they passed through my line.

I was finishing up a transaction with a trim middle aged man with deep smile lines and bright blue eyes, but my mind had already moved on to the next customer. I passed his change over the counter, and the back of my fingers brushed his upturned palm -- it was cool, and slightly rough. It was like electricity had shocked through my guts. The breath in my lungs got snagged on my breastbone. My eyes caught his as he turned to go – what do you think he saw? I’m sure that I had the same dazed and confused expression I’ve seen in the eyes of men – when suddenly their whole heart is in their eyes.

To this day I don’t know what it was that did this to me – he was attractive, but not anything special, I don’t remember a word that he said, or what book he was buying. I had made that same gesture a thousand times before, touched hands with a hundred men that very day – some a lot younger, and more attractive, and would interact with five thousand more before I stopped working there. But years later I still remember that fleeting contact with a handsome stranger, where for a moment I forgot where I was, and held my whole heart in my eyes.

_originally posted on fb 2/26/09_