Love in February

I know a lot of single people who get quite morose about their State of Disunion around this time of year. Everywhere you turn there are boxes of chocolates, adverts for diamonds, and happy couples making romantic plans. However, I'd like think of it as an opportunity instead of a bummer -- its a chance to look back on the past year and see what kind of progress (or lack thereof) I show in the romance department.

This was a bang up year for me. Talking to my Mom a couple weeks ago, I told her that I was so happy, that I could only think of one thing that could make life better –- and that would be to fall in love. Perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but not by much. I am full to bursting with the joy of being healthy, young, virtuous, and independent. Life is a buffet of possibilities, and I have just been handed a plate to pile high.

But as is the case usually, shadows seem the darkest with the full light of noon behind them, and the happier I become, the more I long for someone to share my joy with. I’m not looking for someone to rescue me from my unhappiness anymore. I’m not looking for a perfect man who will solve all of life’s problems for me and suddenly make life happy and fulfilling. I have a happy and full life already. I’m looking for someone to dream with, someone to have fun with, to share and expand my horizons.

When you’re miserable and alone it’s easy to fantasize that all you need to do is find the right person, and then life will be a bed of roses. Find that one someone, and your life will have joy and meaning, loneliness will be a thing of the past, passion an every day state of being. You’ll be able to escape from that job you hate, move out of the household you’re sick of. If you find that better half, the person who has all of the qualities to match your deficiencies, and who will find the worth in what you have to offer, then life will be what it’s meant to be.

When you’re happy and alone it’s as though each day is a gift, beautifully wrapped, festively festooned, and then thrown in the trash. You are frustrated by the waste of a lovely life not shared. The talents, and energy, strength, and passion that come from a contented spirit seem to be squandered. It’s like an electric charge that builds up in your body, leaving you crackling with tension because the sparks have no where to fly.

There is an art to being alone – it is inspiring to me to see when it's done well. In some ways it reminds me of stories told of soldiers and martyrs who die well, -- who by their courage, honor, steadfastness, faith, and humility were able to take an inevitable evil and turn it into something that glorifies God and encourages others to do the same. To be alone is hard, but it’s also an opportunity to learn to live well. To live alone shapes and molds your character at every turn, pushing you towards courage, temperance, chastity, patience, hope, and faith. At times it runs you devastatingly ragged with the emotional and physical strains, forcing you to rely on strength that isn’t your own. When you’re made to keep company with just yourself, you learn to cultivate your soul – to strive to better yourself in every way possible, if for no other reason than to make it more pleasant to live with yourself.

In the end, I’m not any closer to falling in love than I was a year ago – but that's okay with me now – and that is real progress in my book.

_originally posted on fb 2/5/09_